Actually, Tuesday's the new HELL

I was already irritated the moment I opened my eyes yesterday morning. It was still so dark out so I was sure I had another 25 minutes of sleep. But as I was trying to tune out the annoying voices emitting from my alarm radio, I heard the time. So I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter…wait, that’s a different story.

Anyway, I begrudgingly got up and made my way to the shower and got ready for the day. Knowing it was raining pretty hard outside, I decided not to do my hair – wait, I don’t ever do my hair – but it’s a good thing I didn’t pick yesterday to start as the short jaunt to my car left me sopping wet.

Surprisingly, the drive in wasn’t totally hellish and I arrived at the parking lot behind my building at a decent time. It was after I received my parking pass, parked and retrieved my umbrella – that I reached out of the door of my car to open said umbrella and the handle ripped off while buckets of sky juice were raining down on me and the inside of my freshly vacuumed car. Hooray!

After getting settled into my routine for the day I decided I would take a few minutes to make a friendly phone call to the lovely folks at the USPS. Yes ladles and gentlemen, my dear Godson is still without his first birthday package. After arguing with a robot for 10 minutes I was finally connected with a real (albeit helpless) human being. When asked if it was normal for a package to take over a month to reach it’s destination I was told there was “nothing they can do” and “they don’t have any type of tracking or logging system for packages sent First Class”. Well, thanks for that piece of information AFTER I sent it with what I thought was ample time. Rest assure I will NEVER send a package through USPS again.

This sent me into a fiery rage for what was left of the day and I sat there fuming, wanting to flip tables, punch everything, and cry hysterically. Then I decided I’d put together another package (with slightly different contents) and send it FedEx right away. I had learned my lesson and I wasn’t going to let my poor, adorable Godson get screwed out of a birthday package from his Auntie!

So, I left for the day and walked out to my car with an agenda. What a cute surprise when I realized my entire car was covered in bird shit. The windshield, the back window, and both sides (after I had just washed it this weekend) and absolutely no one else’s car had a drop of fowl excrement on it…in a 30 ft radius. OF COURSE! Of course mine was literally the only car shellacked with bird feces.

I sighed, silently cursed the entire species, and got in my car. I turned on the wiper fluid and wipers to try and remove some of the poop in my line of sight. After what felt like 10 minutes of constant wiper-fluid-squirting, it showed signs of defeat. At this point, all the events from the day had culminated and transformed into a brief moment of complete insanity when I was obviously a tad rough with the wiper lever and broke it clean off the steering column.

As I stared at in on the floor – I laughed and said (aloud of course), “sure – why not”. I picked it up, jammed it back into the ‘socket’ and was relieved it still worked. However, much like Andrew Bogut’s recently dislocated elbow, it was useless and floppy when trying to engage the wiper fluid (because Andrew Bogut’s elbow engages wiper fluid?). A piece at the end had snapped off and no longer has leverage to push the tiny button inside of the contraption to release wiper fluid. Guess I’ll be replacing that…

After running around the majority of the evening, post mini-rages, I successfully put together another box for Max and took it to FedEx. New girl working at FedEx that needs help with everything? Duh, who else would I get. In the end she was very nice and sympathetic when I unloaded the entire ‘woe is me’ story on her.

GOOD NEWS is I now have a tracking number, plugged that sucker in this morning and the package is already in transit from Memphis, TN with an expected delivery date of tomorrow, 6pm. I had to drop a small fortune, but at this point, that piece of mind is worth it.

Though, I AM fully expecting my cousin to call me tomorrow saying she received the original package. Then what a pleasant surprise when she receives two!

Thankfully, today is MUCH better than yesterday. Work has hit a very brief lull, I was not called in to jury duty (yet) and I can be as obsessive as I want in tracking my track-able package.

However I am dealing with a violent cowlick that looks like the Red Sea has parted in the back of my head, or someone whipped a tomahawk at my dome and left a wicked gap.