No sooner than the last trick or treater dumping out his/her bag of candy, pennies and Jesus pamphlets (people give out some weird shit), did the Christmas (Holiday?) welcome wagon come barreling down the street striking any remaining children left in costume, blasting Burl Ives and shoving fancy ornaments and candy canes up our asses. IT'S THE VERY BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER! Somehow every year I forget that corporate America loves to shove 'Happy Holidays' down our throats so early and in mass quantities that by the time the season actually hits we're throwing it up.
I love Christmas, don't get me wrong - the food, the family, the giving and even the music - but can we have Thanksgiving first!? Thanksgiving is like the red headed step child of Holidays and it's so unfortunate. Where are the turkey and cornucopia decorations? Instead, I'm tripping over a 7ft pre-lit tree with a Rudolph tree skirt 12 hours after I just finished watching Michael Myers gut a helpless nurse. Children will no longer sit wide-eyed in front of the television during the Macy's parade waiting patiently for Santa Claus to come at the end because they've already seen him 394867 times the last month at the mall, Wal-Mart and the gas station! The world's on warp speed people, before I know it I'll be planning my 50th birthday party and it's all because of Christmas music on November 1st!
I refuse to partake in any christmas/holiday cheer until November 19th, for I would like to actually be in the Holiday spirit during the Holidays - not gagging every time I hear Frosty the Snowman while wanting to take his corn cob pipe and shove it up his frosty ass.
LONG LIVE THANKSGIVING!!
I mean really....what would the pilgrims and indians say?
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2 comments:
Oh man this was effin' hilarious. And so true. I think it gets worse every year. When Metro Market put up that damn Christmas tree one week before Halloween, I just threw my hands in the air and said "I give up." I can't even imagine how Jews feel.
What a hilarious and spot-on post! My office has designated radio stations for each day of the week and last year when this kicked in Nov. 1, I pitched a fit...but they wouldn't change the station rules. This year my office is in a new area where I can't hear the P.A., AND they let me listen to internet radio on my PC, and I am (shall we say) SO THANKFUL! The rule in my world is: NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC UNTIL SANTA ARRIVES IN HERALD SQUARE!
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